I wish

Honestly I would love to be like all those girls, who could accompany you wherever you go, who could bring you water to your basketball practice, who could spend time every saturday night just staring into each others eyes.

I would love to be that kind of girl who could answer your call anytime, who will accompany you through video-chats at night, who would fall asleep on screen just so you could stare and admire. I wish I knew how to act a bit warmer, and not let the pressure on me get spilled onto you either.

I wished that I was cute and skinny, with long beautiful hair and gleaming eyes. Oh I wish I was a bit taller to. You know, so that you could brag about me to your friends.

And it's not that I didn't try. I bought heels to become taller, I tried makeup to look prettier, I slept later to talk to you, but I guess my efforts weren't even close to what those other girls are doing.

Instead I am busy writing essays, speeches, researching, and acting like our love is nonexistent. I realized that I might not live up to your expectations, and that you try to tolerate all my absence. I also realized that now I have absolutely no rights to get upset if you didn't get me flowers, if you ignored me, because I was doing the same thing, wasn't I?

Honestly, I wish...that I could be like those other girls.